eccentric.retard.awesome.me.

Note to God

2012-02-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

I'm not strong. I keep things to myself and all I can do is suck it in. I wish I'm blunt enough to just spit things out. I am just not that strong to do so.

This semester, probably my last chance, is starting to take its toll. I can feel rocks slowly and gradually hitting me one by one. Sometimes I thought I can take it but then, at one point I sort of believe that I couldn't. Dear Lord, I don't know who and how to talk to with. I know the only faith I always have left is You. I feel like this is my problem and I know that it's my responsibility to settle it as soon as possible. Until then, please help me control my emotions, be cool when I know sometimes I can't, help me cry inside. Please help me to think rationally so that I can face it and solve it. Please help me bear the burden and still able to keep going.

Please hold my heart, give me peace and strength to keep on going. I am really in need of it.

I know He's listening somewhere. I know Allah will always be with me.

I miss this..

2012-02-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

Studying together at the library until the library closes.

Having lunch together, even dinner and laugh til your voice won't come out.

Call each other names (man, I have so much)

Share our problems, konon-konon find a way to solve it, then end up laughing.

Enjoy and celebrate special occasions.

Late night chats.

Fight.

Cry and sob together.

Give them a hug.

Being a reminder or be reminded.

Be an alarm clock or be alarmed. ;)

Take stupid photos.

Go and have a day out with no intentions to dress up.

The best thing, no pretending. Just being me.

Fuhh. I miss this. And the only people I can do this with, my best friends. I guess being somewhere else and when things just don't feel right or gets not in your way, you start to recap back the things that have gone through when everything was just figured out and simple. Looking back at old photos kinda makes the cockles gone, even just for awhile you know.
:,)

Gee, I don't know what got into me tonight. Flipping through old photos gives back memories I guess.

My school, matrics buddies..I really damn miss you guys.

Uni buddies, one more for the road? :)

Sorry

2012-01-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

I've always believed my loneliness is a gift.
I am free from a lot of things. My obligations lessen and my main priority is given more attention.
I'm truly sorry to the brave hearts. My heart now is only for me and for those who matters. To put myself and be a part of someone else's life is somehow hard for me to oblige, for now.
I'm truly truly sorry.

departure

2012-01-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

Today was the last day before the semester ends and a lot of people whom I'm close with is leaving, pursuing their life in another level. Thank you God, I kept my promise. :(

Saying goodbyes was never in my bag. I've always hated that. Having to leave or be left behind was not the kind of situation I wished to be in. I never had any abandonment issues, just the thought of not having someone close is not what I preferred to be in. Even in dining tables, I never liked tables where the seats are far apart. The closer, the better.

Gee..

Though, moving on is the only option there. Chasing one to bring them back is not gonna change anything. Life goes on. Someday, they'll come back no matter how long it takes. Hopefully, they'll never change and so do I.

For now, I'm gonna go forward and maybe once in awhile, I'll go back. Be a better woman for the better life.

Just so you know, when you fall and crumble, always stand back up. When you need me, give me a call. I pray that you all will gain success just as we all have wished. One day, when we meet again, reunion per say, we all will have our tales to tell. Brag about it, don't worry I'll let you. Let's just hope someone will get married by then. ;)

So now, let's work hard and be awesome. May God be with you.

Love,

Hanim

New Year 2012 rambles

2011-12-31T15:48:00.004+08:00

It's the New Year and eeeeeeveryone is talking about it. Sort of.

Where to celebrate? What to do? Yadda2 stuff.

I am so addicted to this site. Zombies!

This coming new year, I'll be celebrating this day with a bunch of friends. Probably dinner and watching fireworks. Just the usual. I think it'll be better because I get to celebrate this day, maybe for the last as a student with my friends. *fingers crossed*

Previous years was not very much different. Well there was once I went to BB, celebrate with the KL-ites. Seeing the awful smell of sprays with fireworks right above you is pretty good in some way. There was also once, I watched Gossip Girl the whole night. When the fireworks began, I would stay outside the balcony and watch how "beautiful" it is. Habis, sambung balik. Same old same old.

Why is it always fireworks in every celebrations? Christmas fireworks, CNY fireworks, yoii yoii.

Boring heh? Yeah. I don't have a system like every year I have to party or have a BBQ with the family. I prefer to do something different. I don't know whether it's the Saggitarius sign or is it just me. The least I have is different stories to tell, more experiences to share.

Have no plans? Rasa macam loser? Chill. It doesn't really matter how you spend it. What matters is what it meant to you. Kau duduk rumah tapi resolutions kau settle by the end of the year is much better daripada kau huha huha tapi satu ape pun tak jalan kan? okay, ter-rojak pulak. hee..

2011 has bring lots of good memories and the bad. More good I think. The year that I got good grades, study like hell and then NOT, fieldworks, internships, do part-time jobs, major financial crisis, get a car, drove hours for no reason, sang in an event, bang some motorcycle and get out of it, almost got banged, my brother got into uni, vulgar season..err ok..lost already. Upgrades here and there, also some more that are umm private. ;)

Talking about the things I've done, I'm not very proud of it. Errr I don't regret it either. *meme face. Every time I think of it, all I can do is smile, sometimes laugh. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger they say. *another meme face*..

Okay cut it. Haha. Don't fret.

I believe God does not only give this life for us to sit back and do as he says. He gives us all these privileges, let us do all the stupid stuff and with that, He knows how reckless we can be. He knows but then, He let us reflect from the mistakes we made and reflect, repent to become a better person. I've always believed God is not judgmental unlike most people are. He made us by how He see us. Whatever challenges He let us face is because He wants us to be stronger. So for every mistakes and all the things I had done, I never regret a single thing. It made me stronger and give me more faith. I don't have to prove anything as long as my heart speaks His name. I wonder why many people choose to be so judgmental when they have nothing compared to Him.

Mistakes? Regrets? Being negative about it, it's your choice. So does optimism you know. :)

2012. I'm expecting big things. I hoped. I will be working on my final year project, hopefully graduating, get a job, scuba license, maybe get a boyfriend. I think I mentioned about "boyfriends" since last year, but still single. *feels like forever alone pulak*. Haha, whatever-don't-care. Maybe I'll start proving something to my mom. She's been working hard for me and I think it's time I start showing something after all she's done. Wow, I have to start and do something! After all this time, I have thought what success means to me. Now I know, seeing the people I loved happy with what I can give, gives all the pleasure I need, thus making me successful in a meaning I hope I can keep until I die.

A bit sad 2011 is ending..

and a big SMILE for whats ahead

Welcome 2012!!

Ambitious

2011-12-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hi people.

It's been awhile since I start rambling about serious stuff. Kan? Since the not-so-serious 30 day song challenge, the posts has been very simple and not so informative. Not satisfying and I haven't had that urge to put some effort for posts. Okeh jom.

*tetibe..

Did I mention to you that this is my final year? Haha finals tuu. Only a few months left. Can't wait. Seriously.
You know, this semester has been one of the toughest so far. Hmm I guess God was challenging me into a lot of stuff and tempting me into a lot of things. In the end, I sort of got messed up in a lot of trouble and things weren't as smooth as I hoped. At one point, I do feel rather pathetic of myself. Dah final year kot, takkan tak ubah ubah lagi perangai?

Yeah degil banyak aku ni. Marah diri, lempang diri, hantuk diri semua dah buat. But life does not work that way. You go up and then down again. I'm no robot to be programmed to do the right thing but I act with my guts and my instincts, my needs at the moment. I make mistakes to be better. Somehow this semester, there's just too much mistakes I made. It somehow tested my stand a lot, lots of agak-agak and somehow got me affected pretty bad. Yoii..

Just one, I never regret every single thing.

When I graduate, I don't wanna be the 4.00 flat-skema-duduk bilik kid who doesn't socialize and not do things, yang tau complain tapi taktau buat. A lot of scumbags like these out here. I want my student life to be as awesome as I can make it. Do crazy stuff, spend time with awesome family and friends and maintain positive. That's what keeps me going. I don't mind if I screw a test or come late to class or got scold by a lecturer or cheat in a test. It doesn't make me any less than the scumbags because I know how tough I am. It just gives more vibrant in my life. Yeah I'm the bro.

I noticed, I changed a lot. The first year me would have been very "macam lembu" type. Ikuuuut je. I would have care about others more than myself and I don't have the courage to stand for myself. Yelah budak baik kan? Haha. Then as time passes, the more stupid stuff I do, the more pillars I stacked to myself for me to stand stronger. I become more lenient and understanding, and also vulgar-ish and blunt. Mature sikit. Somehow I'm just that bastard who talks like crap with some sense..sometimes now.

I don't care. I don't know what my future will be. I'm not sure whether what I'm doing now will color my life later on. I'm not sure if I'll end up married or single for the next 5 years. Who knows? Well I somehow wished relationships come later, I can't let that disturb me now hee. All I know, I want my life to be freaking awesome. I don't know what I'll do but I'll make it work. At least when I grow old, I can tell my kids how my life was and not just some bed time stories that will drive the kids to sleep.

Wow I'm being ambitious am I? It's life here and I find it a great deal to fill it with the best I can. Just so you know, I have a wishlist; things I wanna do at least once. The list is awesome and it will keep on growing from time to time. Career no. 1 along with other things to come. Making myself proud, maybe for the first time which will last forever always.

:)

ps: forgive me for the irrelevant, unrelated pictures. I guess. ;)

Day 30- Your favourite song this time last year

2011-12-12T02:14:00.000+08:00

Yeay! I've finally finished this post and dang! This challenge was suppose to end in a month but dang! Baru sekarang plak habis. Hey, it's not a 30-day-song-finish-in-a-month challenge. Beat it! ;)

For this one, specially would be this one.

I LOVE this!
The song is fun. You see, I listen to all genres, from jazz to club hits. Well not screamO like Slipknot or Kiss ke, tak lah. From all, I love this one the best and up to a point, I would listen to this everyday. Tak dengar sehari macam meroyan. Haha.

You know, I still do. Okay, no more 30-day song challenge post but now, let's get personal!

;)

Day 29- A song from your childhood

2011-12-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, childhood days..

During my younger days, I was at an international school. So you can imagine a 'lil what they say in times, how they think, stuff like that. Back then, Backstreet Boys was the hit!
Kalau dah on the way nak pergi sekolah mesti kak zana bawak kaset BB pastu play kat radio. You are my fire terus! :)

Good old days..

Day 28- A song that make you feel guilty

2011-12-09T01:12:00.000+08:00

Hi yaw!

Haha.
I'm nice. Yeah. I'm not a heart breaker but recently I've been too blunt lately, even to my mom. So on purposely I can just hurt someone with my mouth, my words. Whenever I do that, I will feel guilty...for awhile until I ignored it. Why fret, it happens..

I'm just being a psychotic freak I suppose. Like it!

Day 27- A song that you wish you could play/ Birthday!!

2011-12-07T00:53:00.001+08:00

Hi, it's the 7th and I've been 21 for a week already. Heh nothing changed. ;)

I can't play the piano, and it's a miss. I love it so much and I have a friend who plays it really good. Envy. So getting to play a Yiruma song like this is a bless to me. If I could. :)

Adds-on:

It's been a week since I turned 21 and you know, it's kinda awesome. The thought of freedom. 21 is like an accessible age. But then, we're not in America so that actually does not exist here especially if you're a girl and not until you're married. I actually got in a fight because of that. Haha. So-called 21 huh?..;)

You know how people wish other's birthday because of Facebook notifications? Yeah it's pretty convenient for someone who really don't give a damn about numbers, dates etc..ehemm.. But then I guess I need to experiment a little, so I hid my birthday date in FB and kept quite about it. See who remembers, definitely not because of FB.

Like only 5% remembered. I'm kinda surprised, bummed a little. Man, FB really has a thing in our lives right? :)

Thank you for the wishes, present, the mini celebrations. Your thoughts meant a lot THIS BIG! :D

Muah muah!

Day 26- A song that you can play on an instrument

2011-12-02T04:07:00.000+08:00

I was kinda good before, you know.

I WAS good at playing this, using the recorder and a few piano chords. Though just simple and unharmonized notes. It's nothing.

;)

Day 25- A song that makes you laugh

2011-12-01T02:36:00.000+08:00

Watch for the first time.

I shut it off instantly! But then, watch it for the 2nd time.

BAHAHAHAHAHAH..oh god! It's insanely dirty yet amusing in some unexplained way. Cracked!

:D

Day 24- A song that you want to play at your funeral

2011-11-29T01:24:00.000+08:00

I.have.no.song.for.this.one.

Seriously..

Day 23- A song that you want to play to at your wedding

2011-11-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

I have none exact in my mind but I think this one should do.

Yes. This one.
To the person I would fall deeply in love with.

Day 22- A song that you listen to when you're sad

2011-11-27T16:50:00.000+08:00

I love this song. Very much.

Yeah I feel sad when I listen to this. To be exact, alone. Do you?

Day 21- A song that you listen to when you're happy

2011-11-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

I'm happy almost all the time. Not insane, just enjoying what life offers.

And this song makes me damn happy. Nothing to do about the lyrics though. I guess it's the mood it brings. When I'm happy I listen to this, like double ecstasy.
It's nice to be happy, even when you don't know what the reason is.

Day 20- A song that you're listening to when you're angry

2011-11-18T01:52:00.001+08:00

Honest. I don't have a particular one for this. Nothing is definite, as long as it's plausible for the moment. For this one, I'll have choooooooose....this one!

Hoobastank, the best so far! In fact, the best thing is their songs always have precise resemblance about my life. Like this one, this song would reflect how I feel and what I want whenever I'm angry, upset, or somehow disappointed.
Just that I don't have a someone to get rid of it for me. For now just me. :)

Day 19- A song from your favourite album

2011-11-16T22:44:00.000+08:00

I have this jazz album. I bought it for my mom...initially. Then, it turns out I'm the one listening it. Haha.

I had a rough time, this one time. It was pretty bad up to a point tears starts flooding and while I was driving to consult with my friend, I listened to this song. It made me more or less, more peaceful. I guess the voice she has and the softness of her own self made it more tranquil, one way or the other.

Day 18- A song that you wish you heard on the radio

2011-11-15T03:55:00.000+08:00

Seriously.

Please. Please. You know, songs nowadays have NO harmony anymore. Too much club hits, too much FUN in that sense. We live in a very very messed up world. It's good to have some harmony, somewhere.

Day 17- A song that you hear often on the radio

2011-11-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

Today was the start after the midsem break. You know, I still haven't changed, a bit. Gee.

For today's post..

I hear this song, a lot! Up to a point, my ring tone was this. And actually, this is my first time listening a song that describes love like music. It's pretty sweet though.

Day 16- A song that you used to love but now hate

2011-11-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

My dear. I wish I love this song but I don't.

I don't know. I guess when I hear it, it sounds very cliche to me. Very errghh and very "whaa...?".
Sorry Jason, this is the ONE song of yours that I don't like, at all. Seriously.

On an unrelated note, I realized my English is getting "manglish"-er. Durhh.

I want my English back!

Day 15- A song that describes you

2011-11-07T01:16:00.001+08:00

Hellloooooooooooo....again!

Miss you lots a lot! Though, I've been forgetting the challenge when it is suppose to be an awesome-continuous post. A song describes me should be...

I'll update more! :D

Part time jobs

2011-10-01T00:18:00.004+08:00

Apart from the 30 day song challenge ~~that I've been neglecting~~, I have some news!

now ain't that pretty.. :)

I found a website that offers part time jobs which includes data entries, typing, sort of clerical work. Well, since it's part time basis and I'm sure many are looking for some extra income, I'm sure this may help. Plus, not only is the income worthy, also you can develop skills and experiences for your upcoming jobs.

Open up your mind and challenge yourself, give it a try!

Everything's in here:
http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=3686704

All the best!!

Day 14- A song that no one would expect you to love

2011-10-01T00:11:00.001+08:00

Man, blogy blogs blogoss.

Gee. I have to pass on this one. I think all the songs I loved are expected. Gee. I just can't think of any that might just sound unexpected.

My bad. :p

Day 13- A song that is a guilty pleasure

2011-09-24T02:18:00.001+08:00

Haha. I guess the video clip is sort of a guilty pleasure to be done kan?

;)

ps: I'll make you think of me always, one day when I'm nowhere around. :)

Day 12- A song from a band you hate

2011-09-18T23:58:00.001+08:00

Errr.. To be honest, I don't have any band I hate. Most of the songs I hear are all acceptable except the annoying ones. Yeah I have none.

Hey, since I have no song today so let me update y'all a little.

Study- been through the 1st week and still surviving. Have to deal with the classes, lack of 4 credit hours. Pretty awesome now, free from projects and just into mini-projects. Free from stress, well for the time being.

Friends- I love this. I have so much time with them, to sembang, to hang out. This is indeed my final year, so should fill it up to the best there is kan? Also, the last year with my classmates so of course I want to spend my whole year with them before we depart. Definitely taknak extend...taknak yaww.

Love- I don't have time to think of this. Marriage/ relationship is like the last thing on my mind right now. Having a boyfriend is a bit distracting right now. Kesian dia, kurang attention nanti. He he. Maybe I'll talk about this someday. ;)

Work- Yes, I'm working. I've been spending my weekends for work. Yea you can call me a workaholic in times. You know, I like being one, it let my mind off from redundant things. Being busy makes me focus. I like that kind of life for now, I'm still young and definitely this is what I wanna do. I planned, before my graduation in my bank there's gonna a 5-figure number in there. Wow! :)

Yesterday I watched Friends with Benefits, by J.Timberlake and Mila Kunis.

I find this kind of relationship is fun. In my lifestyle right now, I find it hard to commit to someone in a certain amount of time. Dating? Gifts? I seriously am not into that. Relationship is like the last thing in my mind now. Long distance? I hate that because I want him to be with me, like a friend. I can see him everyday yet be friends. I certainly don't want anyone to feel like they possess me or have control in me. Though, it does feel a little lonely in times but hey, I can suck that in. I don't need it now. That's just what we Sags are. ;)

I want a friend like Dylan. He's there in good, bad times. He can cry with me, laugh with me, honest in every way but yet maintain physical. I don't have to feel shy or fake. No jealousy, no control-freak, still have my way of life. No one to say no but is there when you need them.

Things can get complicated in the end but in the mean time, enjoy it while it's still there right? Oh god, I sound like Barney a minute there...

Yeah I'm kinda fucked up saying this. Ha ha.

Day 11- A song from your favourite band

2011-09-17T20:08:00.001+08:00

Should I say more? They are just awesome and Adam..need I really have to say more?

:)

Day 10- A song that makes you fall asleep

2011-09-16T05:14:00.002+08:00

This song is my lullaby. I can fall asleep listening to this, not because it's bad but the voices. The melody itself is soothing, bonus with the voices. It made me doze off and deep inside, the song does reflect a little bit of me in it.

I wanna be able to sing like this dahhh! :)

Day 09- A song that you can dance to

2011-09-13T02:27:00.001+08:00

Man, I suck! Haha. Challenge not yet completed. Been busy this time, no internet, other commitments, ~~malas~~..ehemm..

Problem!
Oh yes, this song makes me wanna move! and woah, when MNina is next Flo Rida, she looks kinda petite don't you think. Still awesome!

Problem! Problem! :D

Day 08- A song that you know all the words to

2011-08-07T01:36:00.000+08:00

Yes. I memorize THIS song!

cause we only got one night
double the pleasure, double the fun.. Man, Chris Brown rocks!!

Day 07- A song that reminds you of a certain event

2011-08-03T06:07:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah, this song rocks! haha.
This was my teacher's favourite song. You see, when I was 9 or 10, I was at an international school in Africa. There, freedom of expressing is quite massive. So when there's free period or my teacher's class time, she'll sometimes play this song and we have to sing and dance along with her. Great times. Sometimes, we'll just sing and dance until the class ends. Haha.

Day 06- A song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-07-31T23:13:00.001+08:00

I love this song! Well kind of.
One of my dream places that I wanna go is New York. I love the busy-ness, the night lights, the chaos and I wanna see how the people live there. I don't know why I wanna come here. If I have a chance to stay in a high level apartment and see NY from above, that will be awesome..!
You see, travelling ain't just about getting to know the culture, the lifestyle of the people there is a part of it. So whenever this song is played somewhere, all my thoughts and dreams went somewhere too.

:)

Day 05- A song that reminds you of someone

2011-07-28T06:07:00.000+08:00

Haha. Hey everyone. This challenge is suppose to be an everyday post tau. Busy betul.

Nevermind..continue.

Woah, this awesome guy singing here alwaaaaays gives me the chills. Brr..
And the one person I will remember for this particular song: my best friend. I don't remember how before we got to love this song together, but all I know he's the first that came to mind once I hear this. Apparently for me, until now this song has been one of my favourites. Haahh~ bubleeeyyy.. :)

*drools..

Day 04- A song that makes you sad

2011-07-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

Nevermind I'll find someone like you..

She's not as hot as most artist but she sings like one of a kind. I love her bad! You know, this song always make me think, a lot of how far time flies. How far I've lived and how much I wished things are just like before. Thus, making me sad all at once.

Eff, I don't know why. :)

Day 03- A song that makes you happy

2011-07-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

Man, I love this song! Despite the scene was pretty stressful for Robin but you gotta admit, the song IS kinda catchy! And the lyrics are just repetitive sentences about Bang. Bang!

Bang bang bangity bang..I said bang bang bangity bang!

Ha ha. :D

Day 02- Your least favourite song

2011-07-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

The song I least liked? Woah I digged hard on this one. Let's see...

Yeah. It's not that I hate it, it annoys me a bit. I know many liked this song but seriously? It doesn't even make sense. Papaaripaa! Baahh!

Okay fine it does sound catchy... ;)

30 Day Song Challenge

2011-07-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

Challenge accepted.

Get ready, feast your ears or maybe dread them, with my choice of songs. Hey, maybe from these songs you'll know who I am truly. :)

Another reason to blog more, to whoever is reading this blog. So here's the first one.

Day 01- Your favourite song

That's what I said alright..!!

This is a tough one. I love so many songs but I have to choose this one. Why? This song is kinda naughty. He he. I love songs about freedom, don't-care-what-other-people-think-just-do-what-you-want kinda type.

Oh also I hear this song like everyday in the train, work and now, so no doubt. He he.

bila dah lama pakai tudung

2011-07-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

..on my 3rd Nescafe cup..*ketuk kepala. Adoi!

Ok, hello people!

Pernah tak rasa macam nak tanggal je tudung yang korang pakai tu? Pernah tak rasa tudung yang korang pakai tu out-of-fashion? Pernah tak rasa, bila pakai tudung, you can't follow the modern fashion style? Aihh dah cun baju, tudung pulak nak match cane lah ape lah kena iron lah brooch lah. Have you?

Banyak betul pernah nye..Yep, to be honest, yes and yes. Most of the time.

You see, I've wore many types, from the labuh type to the selendang type. I've tried them all. To be honest, there comes an extent where I feel like taking them off. Pernah lah rasa macam tudung ni leceh, nak kena iron lagi, kena match ngan brooch lagi, tanak kedut lagi, match ngan baju lagi. Pastu orang tak pakai tudung tu hot, boleh pakai comel-comel, ramai peminat, you know girls just love the attention. Setan betul. Lepas tu bayangkan sendiri free hair, hmm hot jugak. Haha lagi setan aku ni. Adoii.

I had some issues. It's hard dealing them one by one. Plus, my character is way different than my style. So sometimes people misjudged me. Paling aku tak suka. Susah nak jadi diri sendiri bila orang dah biasa ngan stereotype, "perempuan pakai tudung kena baik,". I hate being seen as an angel, or the good girl. Kalau yang free hair kasar sikit, takde hal. If like me, macam tak kena je. I just wanna be myself without being judged from the tudung or not. Rasa nak tanggal je tudung kasi orang tau. Grr.

But I know I can't. I've been wearing tudung all my life, suddenly nak bukak pulak? It does not seem right. So I've talked to people, talked to my mom, read the mags, search the net and you know what?

Bodoh jugak aku ni. Haha.

You know, the tudung has been who I am. Masa kecik dulu, aku lah yang duk sibuk nak pakai. Lama-lama comfortable, pastu nak bukak pulak. *Pang! sekali. Rupanya, aku tak sedar. Sebenarnya pakai tudung taklah leceh mana pun. Bukannya susah. Iron pun tak sampai 10 minit. Lepas tu, sarung, brooch, lilit sikit siap. Taklah susah pun. Nak sidai kain? Pakai je tudung ekspres tu. Presentable lah jugak. Bila kerja, sebenarnya bila pakai tudung tu, comel jugak. Ehemm.

Personality pulak. You know what my mom said, "biaq pi lah pun orang nak kata apa," *cakap utagha pulak. Hahaha. Personality is not based on what you wear but what you present to people. Takkan lah kalau aku pakai tudung labuh means aku hafal satu Quran. Takkanlah aku free hair means orang boleh pegang aku suka hati. The opposite sometimes happens too. What you wear does not define who you are. So I tried being myself, jadi tak betul sikit. Boleh je orang terima. Melucah sikit, mencarut sikit, takdelah big issue sangat sebab orang tau dah who you are.

Also dengan tudung boleh je nak style. Besides, I'm quite simple. I don't like to overdress, asalkan comfy. Jeans, blouse maybe tee, tudung, Dah! True, dengan tudung pun boleh stylo tapi err, tudung zaman sekarang ni macam pelik pun ada. Selendang tu ok lagi lah. Tapi dah skaf bonjol sampai ada seat kat belakang kepala tu style ape nye? Err no thanks. Then boleh pakai inner dalam dengan dress or tank top or spaghetti? Err no thanks. Tank tops remain as tank tops. Dress remain as dress. Style zaman sekarang ni tak style betul. Disebabkan style macam ni buat aku fikir, buat apa nak stylo sangat kalau gini lah definisi bertudung stylo? Orang pakai purdah pun lagi nampak normal.

sama tak? :X

The main thing, tudung has forever been my shield. Aku tak sedar selama ni Allah dah bagi pelindung kat aku and for a split second I forgot. It made me come to my senses. Bila nak buat jahat tu, ada lah sense sikit untuk jaga diri, fikir banyak sebelum buat. Nak kata tak buat, I'm no angel baby. Haha.

So all the mental torture done for me. My conflicts somehow fade sikit-sikit. Tak elok betul fikir macam tu. Yang penting, confidence is the key, believe in yourself, believe in our religion and never let what you wear affect who you are. Yes, tak perlu ragu-ragu lagi, at least for now.

nak pakai ni!!! ;)

Still having doubts in your tudung? Believe me, I felt that too.

Cheers! :)

why girls love Korean movies

2011-07-10T02:40:00.001+08:00

Hey all! Hope you guys are enjoying your weekends, at home. The BERSIH rally has been pretty tight huh? Blog text aku kuning, ada potensi kena dapat surat saman tak? ;)

okay I just finished watching this. and yes I'm a noob baru tengok.

So yeah, as the title says. I've been watching a few Korean dramas this week. All gooey and romantic I've become. After watching one episode, tipulah kalau taknak tengok the next one. Let me tell you why, simply..hee~

1. I'll be saying this in a girl's perspective ok. The male actors are freakingly good looking! Angle sini cun, angle sana pun cun. Like in Shrek says, "it looks like the face has been carved by angels". Haha exaggerate betul.

2. The male actor always appear wealthy, stylish, famous, amazing smile and so and so. So yeah, the girls like to see male that way. Haha. I know you men too. ;)

3. Most importantly, the GUY. always makes simple sweet moves just to impress the girl. Cair..Alahaii~

Haha. Geli pulak tulis macam ni.

Yeah, girls love watching Korean dramas, Japs as well. Just like how men love watching sexy women, that's how women love looking at the males. Because girls know, in real life men who are hot, stylish, sexy, photogenic, tall, tough, built, soft-spoken (okay I've said a lot) is hard to come by. Yeah girls judge the book by its cover. No doubt.

To be honest, that's not entirely it. It's just a bonus. What girls love is when the guy is able to love a women. How he loves. The best part is if the women is a boyish girl, single mom, messy, workaholic women. Independent. Not into men. Pastu the other girl yang cam perasan hot tu bengang je sebab laki handsome tu suka perempuan lain yang tak capai standard dia. Haha. Okeh dah macam fanatik pulak.

Girls love to see the male, the part where he falls in love and he will do what he can with all his will to get this girl. Willing to show his imperfections, to be himself and yes, be a man in front of her. Cry in front of her. Touched seeing the girl do things for him. Whose not afraid to say sorry, or praise or confess. Can protect her when she's harrassed or humiliated. Does not care what her style is because all he knows, this girl is going to be with him through thick and thin. The most important, the girl does not need to be super hot for him. Just the way she is.

True. The girls wanted to be love this way. Biasalah berangan sekejap. Haha.

Real life? Male who can love is very hard to find. Not just males, females as well. I have to admit, I am too. I mentally freaked out when a guy comes near me (my mom thought I'm a les. wtf?!). Pathetic betul. A terrible-hopeless-romantic. I guess you just have to meet the right to feel to do so. I've made a promise for the next guy I'm gonna love. Whoever you are, I'll wait. Kita pergi naik roller coaster ok? Haha. :)

Hmm. Aku suka Korea sebab tempat dia je. Hmm lawa betul kan Korea ni?

:p

new template

2011-07-04T23:42:00.002+08:00

I think it's time I tried a new face for the blog. You read my blog? Thank you...

I think I wanna try something different. I've been using plain, dark colours most of the time. Same, nerdy font. Well I guess it's time I do something childish and girly a bit to it. See how it goes. I do feel a bit weird looking at it. Macam "eh blog aku ke ni?" Hahaha.

Hope you like it. Tak okay tukar lagi, apa susah.

;p

Oh, this song were one of my childhood favourites. Listening to it reminds me how much I loved it once before.

I guess this song reflects me well now. No matter how far I go or how far I try to forget you, your memory will still be in my heart..Hmm. Aisehh, sweet pulak dah.

Daa~:)

reunion

2011-07-03T19:29:00.004+08:00

Halo!

Last Saturday was pretty much awesome, unexpected, "corrupted" and amazing. I met my besties, long time maniacs from our matrics time. I drove from home, pick up Jandol and drove to Alamanda. Baru nak jalan, then went to pickup Cipan and Kumbang. Met Badak there. Thank you to the loveable Papago, it made me possible to move around. haha~

As usual, my hands were shaking at first. Pakai eyeliner pun menggeletar. Lama tak jumpa kan.hee. Dah jumpa, eat, share stories, jalan-jalan, cari towel, raba-raba, emo sikit, bisik-bisik, mengarut paling tiptop. Haha. Kinda cool actually we didn't plan the whole journey. Everything was based on what we wanted on that moment. Alamanda-SMSAS-KTM Serdang-Alamanda-PICC-Equine. We were about to head to Mines and yes, the unplanned also happened.

My car crashed, alternator rosak. Kereta tak boleh start langsung, bateri kong! Had to call the mechanic and waited. When hope was there, it turns out hope only passed by saying hello then choww. I was so stressed, worried, pissed off pun ada. Haha. Stupid and absurd things were already placed in mind. Berat dan memuaskan. Damn betul. :X

In the end, the waiting ended. My friends went home safely. I drove home, no lights on. Kena marah kat tol sebab buat jam. Jumpa pakcik emo gila punya. Abang mekanik tu sabaaarr je. Lantaklah as long as the car is ok. Though I have to admit, frustrated a lot for not being able to send them home, then susahkan orang lain pulak. Frustrated for not being able to do a few more crazy things with them. Ketuk kepala kejap. Dush dush. Still, thank you for accompanying me until the end. Love you!

Sort of like a one time experience. Haha.

Lepas ni tatau la jumpa lagi ke tak. But I promise, this time if KL is the place, it's gonna be with my own car!! (coming up this August)..and yeahh, we have to plan a bit lah kot..

A song for the loner

2011-06-28T10:04:00.001+08:00

She's British!!

I love the accent of British, men sound so sexy and women sounds so appealing. Ok ok. It's the song today. A friend of mine recommended me this song to sing, I've been listening to it and okay, now I'm addicted to it. Maybe I'll make a cover of it. A song for the loner.

"Never mind I'll find someone like you."

new buddy

2011-06-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

Hey people!

Just got back, from home. So, I planned to iron ALL my clothes. While I was ironing, my new buddy came. Playing with his (or is it her, tak check la pulak) bell. Kriing kriing dari jauh dah dengar dah. Mata dia bulat gila, orange, berbulu lagi main kaki. Ish geli la sayannng~Tengah iron baju, sempat dia lompat atas tempat iron pastu nak tempel2 kat baju. Nak buat tempat tidur pulak ye? Haha. Adorable gila...

I don't know this little guy's name. Nak bagi nama Tempel cam melayu gila. Haha.

Bila pegang je, prrrrrr....

Tak bagi dia duk atas baju. Terus give-up, duk situ pun jadi lah.

Adorable kan?

Bila balik kerja, ada masa tu from the main entrance dia dah tunggu, pastu ikut smpai ke bilik. Ada masa tu, dah tunggu depan bilik pun ada. Sekali tu, dia tunggu sampai pintu bilik aku bukak, pastu eh eh duk terbongkang plak sebelah katil. Amboi~ nak marah tak boleh, gelak jelah. Harini main kaki pulak kucing ni. Adoii, comel nya kau ni..

It gets lonely here sometimes, thank you this little buddy is here. Somehow troubles just disappear. :)

you like WORKING?

2011-06-10T19:57:00.004+08:00

Hey people,

I have to admit, working is not that bad. It's been 3 weeks since I start working and the work load, yes I tell you is getting more and more. I have to say first time working in a great company, I have pretty awesome experiences ongoing. Pretty cool, I laugh everyday. I don't care about the work load much. Yeah it's stressing but if I keep on thinking about the stress, work won't be fun. Kan? hehe~

I love going to the office. Quote: "going" ya. I can wear nice clothes, heels, put on some makeup, look good in front of people, presentable. It's not that I don't do this, I rarely do. I'll only do it with a purpose, I'm working. Tapi bila dah masuk, heels tanggal terus pakai fippers. Tak senonoh betul. :D Plus meeting people in the elevator. People here are seriously friendly. But I don't know them, so I can't just say HI out of nowhere. Damn it, have to know more people. :p

ahhahahaha. baby it's fact.

At work, there's always work, things to study. Pressure sometimes when the things you have to know just don't seem to stick in your head. Yeah I get that, I don't pickup things that fast. Then we have a pantry, macam cafe weyy. Every hour or more like every moment we got, me and the other colleagues, pergi pantry, bancuh air, minum, refill lagi and it goes on. What drinks you need, from fresh milk to coffee to soft drinks, you name it.

You know, I don't know if you guys had this. When I'm stress from work, I have this thought of crazy things unmentionable here. Crazy things, beyond imaginations just to relieve stress. Takpelah, it's stupid and maybe I'll do it. For now at work, I laugh all the time, do stupid jokes, make fun of people sometimes. Do you have it or is it just me?

hahahahaha this cat is really stressed.

Then back from work. I normally ride the LRT alone then back, wait for my friend to the hostel. Same routine all over again. It's pretty boring in time, so I choose to use my ears with music and my eyes, watch people, observe their clothes, see the tired faces, attitudes. There's this one guy I witnessed was moving his head with the music, like a DJ with the big CD tu. Best kot. I was smiling all the way watching him. All the stress just flew away. hahaha.

Finale, the most important thing I love about work is when it's FRIDAY, the smile while working on this day is pretty extra from the norm. I can wear jeans at work too. The thought of you can sleep late and watch movies after a stressful week is kinda amazing. Now on the bed, it just feels better than anything...=D

What's cool about work for you? :)

So guys, something for you... haa you berani nak tekan, tekan..

....

HAHAHA. Yes! Annoyed already? Ugh, I know I do. shadafakap!!*

Just something to cheer you all up with the experience I had (if it's cheerful lah) and the song too ;)..
Anyway, have a great, super-awesome weekend ya?

XOXO

A prayer from the sinful

2011-06-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah,

You know me very well. Only You know what's in my heart and how long it has been. Help me be strong. Help me slowly open my heart. Help me to love moderately and let go because I want all my love to be where it's worth, to You. I can't afford to see that face everyday and see that same feeling coming back over and over again. If it's destined to be with that face, show me the way. I need your guidance.
Please help me move on.

Amiin.

Thank you for being in my heart and thoughts..always.

marriage is never crazy..

2011-06-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

if you do it right with the right person..

Hi guys. I missed you. Ehemm. ;)

Me and my buddies talked about marriage all the time. Nak kahwin umur bila lah, nak kahwin kat mana lah. Malam pertama lah, kahwin nak pelamin kaler apelah. Adoii. Aku yang umur 21 ni pun tak fikir lagi. Believe it, everytime people talked about marriage in front of me, I feel like running away. I seriously don't know what to say. I'm still not into that ok. Ok pathetic ke?

I have this thought about marriage. It needs a lot of sacrifice especially before entering the life of a married man/woman. When you're young, you wanna do this and that. You can socialize, you can befriends with who the hell you want. Whoever. No one to feel jealous, no one to feel insecure. No one to say you have to be home by 7 for dinner. Boring! Basically you can do almost everything you want. Freedom rules! I don't want to report to whoever where I go or who I have dinner with, it's my life! :)

When you're about to get married, commitment, trust, responsibility comes in. I'm not saying when you get married, you can't do things you used to do anymore. But you have to consider the other party. Your spouse. A part of your life is now shared with your spouse. When you're married, no matter how far you wanna go, you still have to think of the other one. Yelah, drpd makan seorang jadi makan 2 orang. Belanja sorang dah jadi utk 2 orang. Like that lah.

Marriage is a sacred thing. It's a union of love. Two people wanting to live together for the rest of their lives, working together making it work. Seriously, it's beautiful. Babies? Adorable. Seeing them grow. Seeing your faces, your genes in them. Then your spouse and you work things out, solve problems, have fun together, fight. Beautiful.

Yeah, beautiful yes. But reality is scary. Marriage I see now, in the news is undefined. Husband can kill the whole family. Wife can go crazy bunuh anak sebab jealous. Crazy. Sad. Teens umur 14-15 boleh have sex with many people and let go the shame announce to public. Ruined family. People nowadays don't value the sacred value of marriage anymore. I don't mind not getting married if this is what I have to face. No guarantee.

hahaha. This is pretty true.

It end up sucks because how you start it.

I know it's scary but it has a price. One day if I get married, I'll make sure I'll be ready. I'll let my heart, body and soul only for him. I'll take care of my limits. I'll learn how to cook. I'll appear beautiful for him. I'll suffer the pain with him. I wanna grow old with him. We'll make sure our kids grow in a loveable environment. I wanna watch our kids grow then see them kahwin and we become grandparents. We'll cry together when our kids dapat result bagus or dapat menang sports. You boleh tolong imamkan doa, makan sama-sama. We can have our own backyard, having tea time while watching our kids and grandchildren play and laugh. Kalau diizinkan Tuhan, I want to die with him. No pain, together at the end of our lives as long as I know I'm with him.

It's a marriage's fairy tale.

People say marriage is the start of a suffering life. No it's not. You just have to do it with the right person to realize that it's not that bad. I think. Well, this is only what a 21 year-old single girl can dream of, for now.

For now, no. I'm not ready to let go of my single young life. I just wanna have fun, build my career, meet people, travel, maybe make open relationships. Haha. All I know, I'll change when the right guy comes. So dear husband, if you come, datang at the right time ok? Not now. Nak belajar lagi, kumpul duit lagi. hehehe..

May Allah show you the way to meet the right one. :)

penang-kmpp

2011-05-31T00:28:00.004+08:00

Hi babies!

I was at Penang for the past 4 days. My brother, Haikal ada pertandingan bercerita peringkat kebangsaan. So yeah, me and the crew datang sekali bagi support. Macam-macam jadi. Gelak besar dalam keta, kereta rosak tepi jalan lagi, panas gila lagi sampai sunburn, dapat try mee udang, orang sana parking macam ape. Haha.

Alhamdulillah, he won first place. :) Worth it.

Pahtu, dah sampai Penang mestilah singgah KMPP and yeah I did. Dekat sgt dgn tempat hotel kitorang, petang-petang tade buatpa singgah kejap. Nasib baik si Faris tu ada, ada cek orang teman. Sampai-sampai nasib baik 'pakgad' tu tak halang ke apa, main bagi je masuk. hee~

A few pictures I snapped.

First stop, tasik. Selalu petang-petang datang sini, tengok orang main tali tu sampai jatuh. Aku duk sini dengan harapan ada orang jatuh main tali tu, phailed. Back home with frustrations. Ehemm haha.

Me and my besties one-of-the-best-spot. Pagi-pagi mai sini on weekends, panjat tinggi-tinggi sampai aku jadi gayat. Semangat pakai kasut sukan konon nak jog tapi takde jog pun. Poyo. ;)

Petang-petang selalu main sini ngan acap punye arnab. Main kejar-kejar la, angkut lah. Tempat aku, ainur ngan jannah pernah baring bila the guys hilang mane ntah.

You know, tempat ni masih tak berubah. Still redup, berangin lagi, terjaga. Oh tasik tu plak makin hijau. Eyuww.

Aku amek gambar ni pakai self-timer tau. ;)

Tempat favourite lepak time lunch. Situlah gelak, situlah cerita. Sunyi je kita takde orang sini. :)

Banyak lagi gambar tapi tak larat nak upload semua, sikit-sikit je aku letak sudah.

jangan main-main kau haa.. ;)

Nak lagi ke? Bukan takat ni je aku ada. Sorry malas dah. ;)

Masa la ni boleh tengok budak baru nak up. Semua masa tu lah suara lantang kasi sume oghang dengaq, tudung pun pakai betui sikit. Lelaki pun dah start move in packs, satu team ada konfiden sikit nak kacau pompuan kan? hahaha. Also, minggu pertama kawan ngan geng je dulu, gerak pun ngan kawan je. Tengok lah nanti dah start study. haha~

Aku tengok balik budak-budak ni, lawak weh lawak.. :D

I have so many memories here, susah aku nak lupa. It's been 2 years tapi whenever I look back to the places I had been, the memories just came back. Still, time to make new ones kan?

Tak banyak sgt berubah KMPP ni. Panas like hell! Yet still nostalgic. :)

the first week

2011-05-24T22:06:00.001+08:00

Hey guys and gals,

I'm now in UM, attending my internship for 3 months at Menara Citibank. So yelah, kena duk hostel sorang-sorang la gayanye. Takde orang nak teman lagi Haha. Anyway, for the first few days it was acceptable. Banyak sgt benda kena belajar sampai otak cam jammed kejap. Ada la tadi tertidur masa lecture. Pening kepala pun ada. Damn. haha~ Some things are un-manageable sometimes macam bangun lambat. haha~

It was kinda fun. Harini tau yang my job is really hard but the hard work pays off. Takpelah kan. Tak tau, Tuhan banyak bagi hati senang for the past few days. Susah macamane pun, hati tetap tenang. Tadi ada pergi satu interview, lepas keluar bilik je hati rasa sangat puas. Result tengok lah macamane. :) Life macam tulah, you rise you fail. It's normal. :)

tak tau nape letak gambar ni XD

I tried a new shampoo on my hair. Herbal Essence warna biru cair tu. Wangi gila rambut! Lembut pulak tu. Rasa nak makan je rambut. Aaage! (gaya gigit rambut, pandai la kau bayang) hahaha. Lepas pakai bole rasa lah, rambut macam tak kering. Volumized. You should try tau. Worth it! :)

yeah yang ni!

Yeah that's all. Have an awesome day y'all!

out of my league

2011-05-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.

I love this song since I watched it in She's Out of My League movie. After watching it with all the blushes and fantasies, yeah I love the guy. All nerdy tapi sweet gila. Normally this kind of feeling will last for a few days, nanti lupa lah tu. Even if I watched a movie where the hero is a killer end up dead pun boleh jatuh cinta. Normal.

This holiday has been err..dull? naahh~ I will be going to places..soon. Planning for vacations already with a bunch of friends. Will be heading to Perak next week for my brother's registration at UiTM. Will be heading to Penang next next week for a competition my other brother is competing at Kepala Batas. Yes, I will stop by at KMPP, YES!! Next stop, internships. Great.

Nothing much. So broke. Hope you guys will have an awesome time this holiday.

err. Bye..:)

Fast & Furious 5

2011-05-11T03:18:00.000+08:00

Have you watched this??

Tell me you haven't, because if you have not..

Go and get your ass up, watch this movie because this movie is so awesome! I rarely admire watch movies nowadays but this one..it literally blew my mind off!

I can say, this movie gets me excited. A friend of mine told me that in the end, Dom died. Damn it, I have to watch. I did. Cis bang bang boom betul.

Anyway, I've watched it. From start til the end, I can't stop screaming with the awesome-ness. Also some...goo-ey...parts. Laughing with the silly conversations. Awestruck with the women and men and fast cars. The 'woos!' watching Han and Brian and DOM. The climax lagilah, I was continuously eating marshmallows non-stop with a gradually increasing chewing frequency I had. haha. Plus the cops? The money? Okay. I said too much.

Okay. Me describing won't help. So, go to your nearest cinema and watch this! I had one kick-ass time watching this. Did you?

Whose your penguin?

2011-05-10T15:40:00.001+08:00

I found this in my buddy's blog.

This is so sweet. Thanks Malekku. :)

Whose your penguin? I don't know.. I know he's out there..
If it's fate, we'll find each other.. someday..

:)

relieved

2011-05-09T16:59:00.001+08:00

Exams over. No more books to see. Just the bed and me.

Nappy time...

I'm off. hehe. I may not blog for awhile. Maybe I do.

See ya!

sudden thought

2011-05-04T04:45:00.002+08:00

You know. I couldn't sleep. I aimed to study, uhh well not really into it. My mind was into something else. My thighs were heated with the laptop on my lap, but whatever. Screw.

I miss dad. Out of a sudden. I'll always smile after every thought.

I read a blog of my friend's friend and she was expressing how much she misses her dad. So yeah it made me missed mine. The difference is, her's is still waiting at home while mine is gone..somewhere. Waiting for me I guess.

I know it's already 5 years. I've quite grown now. So I don't look back and I choose to never wanna think of the thoughts no more. But when the feelings come, I just don't know how to get rid of it sometimes. This time, sleeping just doesn't work.

Alaa, exam je pun. Do your best kaklong. That's what he always say.

Hmm :) Man, I miss him..

:)

2011-05-03T16:57:00.001+08:00

I don't know what happened to me last night. Muntah-muntah. Pengsan. Feels like hell. Perut masuk angin. Head spinning around. This morning pulak ada paper. Great.

I was very devastated. For a moment I felt like dying. Thank God my friends were there. My best friend drove me back to my hostel and sent me to my room, carry my stuff. My roomie lagi hebat, dia lari cari minyak panas, urut satu badan ngan minyak panas, bagi Panadol lagi. Macam mak. :)

I'm sorry guys. I don't know why I've been sick lately. Never ending. I hope it's nothing bad. Now I'm so much better. I can even answer the exams for today. Cemerlang. hehe..

Sorry for giving so much trouble to you. I love you so much guys. Bless you.. :)

siput sedut

2011-05-01T10:21:00.002+08:00

taken from here

Semalam aku datang sini, Anis Putri Pantai Dalam dengan coursemates. First time datang sini kot, yelah nama je orang KL tapi tak pernah datang sini. Ehemm malu kejap..**

So yeah, the real reason was Wani ajak datang sini sebab nak kasi aku try siput sedut. Tak pernah dalam hidup aku terfikir pun nak makan pun benda alah tuu. Dahlah aku belajar pasal Gastropod ni. I find them disgusting. Bila orang cakap siput sedut, I imagine siput yg besar kat laman rumah pastu ada slimy-slimy yekk yekk..masak lemak lagi? Rasa macam tak logik. brrr lagi lah aku geli nak makan.

Ye aku bayangkan siput sedut macam ni, except dah masak lemak.

Telan air liur jugak nak makan...

Bila borak, I feel lame. Semua orang borak pasal ni macam makan Subway. Siap ada style sedut lagi. haha. Sedap sedap, ah stress fine aku mesti try! So datang sini, aku dah nervous. Takut my first try jadi nightmare pulak. Fuhh~

Dah duduk atas meja, air dah ready, ambik satu siput sedut. Kawan-kawan aku semua stop makan sebab nak tengok aku sedut. Nervous aku. Sluurrppp masuk mulut! Aku terkejut tengok isi dia, sampai terlepas. haha. Terer lah jugak aku ni, sekali sedut success! hehe~ So yeah, aku dapatlah makan 6 ketul. Satu tu aku try tanpa nasi, nothing on. Err bole la rasa slimy-slimy yekk yekk tu sikit. Hmm sedap jugak tambah ngan kuah masak lemak tuu. woo!

Diorang kata siput ada mata tu dan kena buang. Out of 6, aku buang satu je. Takdela pulak rasa plastik dalam mulut aku ni. teehee~ bedal je.

Takla sebesar imagination aku. Ngarut betul. Hee.

Aku ngan kawan aku sama-sama melantak siput. Hmm not bad for a first timer ea? :)

Serious. Aku orang melayu yang memang tak mencuba makanan Melayu. Masa kecik-kecik duk overseas memang tak belajar makan benda-benda ni. Stok pun limited. So tempoyak, cencalok, budu memang aku tak pandai makan. Tempoyak makan ngan nasi? Aku tak boleh nak bayang.

Tapi aku cuba kat sini, tempoyak dia grand gila!! Menyesal ambik sikit pulak. Patutnye aku ambik satu piring kan? Waduh..haha. Cencalok tak try sebab tak ambik. Dah rugi tak dapat rasa. Ye aku orang Melaka dan tak pernah makan. Ye saya.

Aku try budu pulak, cecah ngan daging. Tak rasa. Cecah ngan ikan, waiyoo! Rasa dia pelik gila... Sorry Klate-s tapi aku tak bole nak makan banyak-banyak. Surrender awal..

Habis je makan, borak lama-lama. Duhh kalau dah borak, tak sah kalau tak sampai 2 jam. Exam dah dekat ni. haha.

Thanks guys for the awesome first time! :)

Library #1

2011-04-30T01:45:00.002+08:00

You know. Duduk bilik memang susah nak study. The bed lagi, makanan lagi, tidur lagi. Forget it. So this is where I spend most of the time in my 24 hours, studying. Where? the Lib-wait for it....RARY! ^.^

semua orang stress..

The books. There's more.

Yes. We have these posters all around the library. Ouh not the girl. Just one. ;)

The thing I'm studying. Fossils.

Apparently..well yeahh..

Pressure starts building in. Pakai sweater pun dah tak betul.

Headphone pun rasa nak jatuh. haha.

Nahh. It's no stress. Just the I-feel-like dying feeling.

Pucat sebab TERLALU sejuk!

The fortress from outside. Yes, it's dark.

Library on the side. The tree is kinda creepy though.

So yeah. Library is where I hang out most of the time. I study, eat, pray, sleep here. It's like my second home after my dorm. A good thing about exams, I feel like I have to come here. Kalau boleh bawak toto tidur sini, dah lama dah.

Well, libraries always do give me good times. Friends and life as a student. I wished after I graduate, I can still come here. For now, I'm cherishing this one. :)

Nak datang sini? Jom! Choww. :]

rattled

2011-04-26T14:25:00.001+08:00

My first paper feels like...

You thought it is sugar and with confidence, you put it in your mouth. It turns out, it's salt.

Man, I don't feel so good. I have another paper tomorrow and I hate it when frustration starts coming in me. Mood apa pun tarak. Ugh...

deep breath

2011-04-26T01:38:00.003+08:00

okay, fuuhhhh~

Oh freak. I'm nervous.

Fine. It's just Titas tomorrow, my first paper but I believe it is a start of another bumpy ride. Okay fine, I exaggerated.

Unbelievably, I've been putting up some expectations this time. I have to do this right. I guess I've been doubling up the stress in me. I sort of forced myself to study hard this time, make sure I understand every bit of what I've learned. Bangun tidur pergi library study. Balik bilik tengah malam mandi tidur. Lapar je makan, ngantuk tidur. Is it too much you think?

No matter how hard I wanted to give up so badly, I just know that I have to keep going this time. Well I guess I have and done what I could. Well..yeah I do played some things in between. Enjoy food, chat, spend some time with my library buddies. Ehemm. Not much..ehemmm..;]

Still, I do hope all the effort pays off this time. Amiinn :]

Good Luck hanim! Lepas exam, ENJOY jom!!

Eskobar

2011-04-24T01:59:00.001+08:00

Any idea who they are?

handsome jugak masa muda-muda dulu....:3

Hey guys.

Yes. This is Eskobar. I'm not sure how many people in Malaysia know this band. If not, let's see..

This band is a Swedish indie/ pop band, initiated in 1996 featuring Daniel Bellqvist as the vocalist, Frederik Zäll on guitars, and Robert Birming on drums. They are quite famous with the song "Someone New" featuring Heather Nova in 2002.

Seriously guys, I'm sure you can google it to know more ;p. This is just a peek. I found out about them through the song "Someone New" sang by the amazing choir team Scala and Kolacny Brothers. Searching for the original song, I met this band.

To be honest, my interest is more to jazz. I rare listen to all these indie bands songs. I listen to them, not admire them. But, Eskobar is an exception once I listen to every song. All of their songs makes me feel safe. Very enlightened and warm. Plus, it's not the all crap music nowadays people sang talking about sex or how hot the woman's body is. It's a song about life, reality, love, feelings, motivation. They too have a unique concept in bringing their music. Plus it has that echo-dengung thingy. haha Uh~

But sad, they actually stop producing their albums after 2008. I wish to hear their songs more. Still I'm glad I met them, yeah I know it's late. All I know, this is the song that does not die off that easy. Well if you think the music now is the "best", emm..ehemm..well I guess I'm just into the old stuff. ;p

Here's a song called "Love Strikes". I love this!!

drools*

the mind

2011-04-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

This study week has been exhausting. I'll be having my finals next week. I can't tell how much I haven't studied but I know this much at where I have reached (the size of my thumb?).

I'm tired. There are times I feel like giving up.

I'm tired of reading and reading too much and I have to answer killer questions just to get an A. I'm tired of being pathetic of myself for not improving when I need it. I'm tired of people expecting me to score kaw-kaw but when I can't it just makes everyone frustrated at me. I'm tired of following the regime when it doesn't give me any good. I'm tired of trying but in the end, trying just doesn't work. I'm tired of aiming high and tired of seeing people doubting at me. I'm tired of making people happy when no one cares what I feel. I'm tired of people giving me responsibilities and work just because no one else seems eligible to take it. I'm tired of waiting when nothing awaits.

I'm tired God. I'm so tired. I just wanna run for awhile.

another reason to love choir

2011-04-21T16:51:00.001+08:00

Time to find my way back home, hanim~

I wanna have babies #1

2011-04-19T15:19:00.002+08:00

awwwwww dear~~..they are adorably-cute!! :D

On that thought, yeah I do want to have one. Can anyone make me one? But gee, I gotta get married to have one biologically and normally right?
Well I guess I reeeally have to hold that thought.

Just saying baby, just saying..;)

Haikal #2

2011-04-19T14:09:00.001+08:00

woops. muka kami sangatlah tak senonoh..

I'm proud of you.

You're everything a sister could have. I'm blessed.

I love you.

Think you know more about orgasm?

2011-04-10T20:21:00.000+08:00

I found this infographic in an article and I find it quite interesting.

Fun right to know something?.. :))

Cheers!!

Jar of Hearts (me cover)

2011-04-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

hehe. I tried singing this song. First time recording actually, maybe twice. Sorry there are some parts that went out of tempo. This is what happens when you record and combine voice recording and instrumental in one video. hee~

Tell me what ya think. Cheers. :)

face-book

2011-04-05T01:43:00.001+08:00

Yeah, I may be in this state in a couple of days. Exam dah dekat kan? haha~

one way or another, the tension keeps on coming.

BUT..

as long as you keep the smile alive on your face

as long as you have an awesome bunch of "these"

you'll be alright. :)

Jia You!!

ps: I love it when my hair was caressed and touched. :) I miss it now.

sorry is the ultimate victory

2011-03-31T19:20:00.004+08:00

Man, I wish I can slap someone now. It should be fun. haha~

Today was great. I have a report to do and it's only 30% done, so yeah I have a whole lot more to do. You know, I had a fight with someone today. Basically it was a message basis quarrel and we were quarreling on some important issues I will not say. As it progresses, the fight becomes absurd. Ngarut plak dah. It clearly shows how wrong he is, but he still wants to say that he's right.

I believe it's no longer relevant to say anymore with this fella. Fine. I said sorry. I apologized. I guess he was pissed, my words are pretty strong tearing his mind. Ain't sarcasm awesome? hahaha

What I learned, people who don't know how to defend themselves (aka guilty) tend to curse with extra violent vulgar words as a defense mechanism. Yeah I had that just now. Wow. First time, I'm not offended, AT ALL. Also, some lied just to win. Yeah I've seen that a lot. So, I believe having a fight with this kind of person makes me laugh cause it's like making fun of a kid.

You know, one of the art of fighting is to make your opponent angry. He won't be able to concentrate. The more I kacau budak, the more he's pissed in the end the kid'll cry. In this case, the fella cursed. Believe it or not, I didn't use one single vulgar word to clarify myself or defend myself. Plus, I even apologized and back off. Apologize, it make things better. In the end, it was ok. :)

oh my god...adorable-nye..

I love myself. I can handle things on my own now. This situation tells me that I'm not a person who curse like I don't give a shit. I have my limits. I know when to act, when to say it right. I have a mom who thought me that, so I know. I only say it when I'm with my good friends and even with them, I have my limits.

If by doing that simply shows a bad impression to you, that I don't deserve to be respected, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being a person who you want me to be. I'm sorry for not being the ultimate human being who you thought I would be.

The thing is, I don't care if people who judge me are people who don't know me, whoever. I like myself this way. I don't live for them and I can't satisfy everyone. This is who I am in which I don't show randomly until I'm close to you. If you can't accept that, I have no problem with that. I like being bold. I like to finally show people that I'm not a small kid. I finally can tell people, don't simply judge me and try to make me to be like how you wanted. Me being bold doesn't change me, it helps me grow.

I choose to be who I want to be. Whatever happens, it's up to me to decide and endure. Because of my attitude before, people think that I can't do things on my own and I need to be told repetitively. Most people choose not to listen to me, I've had enough. Let me grow please. Advices, fine then sshh. Lectures? That is way beyond limit. Thank you for your concern but just stop trying to make yourself too important to me until you forgot where your boundaries are. Only my mom can do that.

we curse, fight like almost everyday, but nothing changes our friendship. It just gets stronger.

Again I'm sorry if by apologizing makes you better. Still it won't change my stand.

Fuhh. Lega rasa dah lepas. Sometimes I wonder, what is wrong with me that people are so tense, worried about? I'm not a kid please. Nothing seems right with what people are doing to me. In the end, it's me whose apologizing. Great.

how to heal a broken heart

2011-03-29T16:28:00.004+08:00

Watch Japanese Drama Series!!!
It deviates my mind away from thinking too much. It makes me forget about my life, forget what people have done to me, at least for the moment.
What you have to do: skip class, not study, one cup of maggie, nescafe, and watching Japanese drama series is a nice treat. Just for one day ok?

I don't wanna talk or see anyone today. I don't care. I don't mind watching Matsumoto Jun a thousand times if thats what it takes to stay me away from other people for the whole day. Just stay away please and leave me alone?

I've watched this many times, but watching this always gives me the ease.

It's kinda nice to heal a broken heart.

:')

thank you

2011-03-27T01:40:00.002+08:00

I've been having terrible food cravings lately. I wanna eat this and that. My attitude also changes a bit lately, with all the attitudes and the bloody periods. I've been outta mood sometimes, crazy mixed-mashed feelings. No need to mention who, you know who you are. So thank you for going along with me, spending time with me, cheering me up, probably without you realizing. :) Thank you.

Try and listen to this together.

The combination of the two is amazing. I can't stop listening to it. It's just perfect especially when you're missing, in need of someone. :)

food freak

2011-03-26T13:24:00.000+08:00

Malam tadi, lidah mengidam Fettucini Carbonara. Siap order Mash Potatoes lah bagai. Keluar ngn Kak Nad my good buddy, sbb sama mengidam, pastu borak sakan sampai pukul 2 pagi. Sort of like a heart-to-heart chat. ehemm. ;)

Siang tadi, makan McD 2 Family Breakfast dengan Adam ngan Anwar. Orang belanja kan? XD Beratur gila panjang, seats plak limited. Macam race tengok orang berebut-rebut nak cari meja. Uihh~ murah dow. RM5 dapat meal full set yang sebenarnya lagi mahal atau lagi senang, free sebab aku boleh buat kat rumah. RM5 lah sgt, income tax lagi tapi ape pun, makan jelah. Aku ada lagi 4 voucher ni...;)
oohh both of them said I'm loud. Damn. ermm..

Lepas tu, pergi tengok Faris ngan Mun Hou kat KPS. Kesian adik-adik aku ni kena kerja teruk sampai tak tido malam. Kena ngadap committee bagai perangai lagi. Aku gelak je lah, besar plak tu. I've been there. ;)

Malam nanti nak pergi Ikea plak, melantak Meatballs for dinner. Ishh ishh ishh..
Wow, minggu ni minggu melantak sgt hebat. Minggu ni macam-macam aku makan tanpa sedar. Ok tipulah tanpa sedar kan. Lepas ni nak pergi Jogoya plak. Raw fish, Japanese, DIM SUM!! Aku dah lama nak try Dim Sum sebenarnya. Lagi-lagi yang Halal. Owh GOD!!

I'm just a food freak am I? Aku, kalau ada je peluang untuk makan, memang aku go for it! tapi body maintain je okay. tapi risau jugak kalau jadi gemuk ke. orang kata makin cengkung adalah muka ni. eh eh tade gemuk lain ea. tade tade. XD

You know what? As long as it satisfies my taste buds, WHY NOTT?? GOO!!

Girls, as we may have known it

2011-03-24T01:47:00.003+08:00

Reminder: this may be quite gross..

Hey people. Awesome day? I know I have one. :)

Today, not much of a story but more of a condition and its about..girls. Yeah, GIRLS.

You're hot? You're pretty? You're a sweet talker? Doll eyes? Hot body? Whatever?

Yes. Yes. They are hot.

I know some girls who have those. I love to see them. Amazing creatures we are. Thank you God! In times, I always look at all those pretty girls, flawless looks, sweet-japs voices, curvy bodies and so. Yes, I adore them. Aren't they delightful creatures? Yes, I know I sound lesbo now. Eyuww.

Yes. Yes. This is cute..~~

The thing is, no matter how Beyonce-look you are or Nicole Scherzinger-look you are, if you don't know how to do certain things, more like TAKE CARE of certain things, please don't ever call yourself a girl. Seriously, don't. Embarrassing.

You see, I live in a girls block (bodoh apa statement ni..). I have to see, listen, live with these girls almost everyday. We'll make it general. I live in hostels since Form 4, so yeahh a lot I've seen and now I've come to a conclusion that almost all girls just love to do the same thing without no definite fucking reason.

Some of things I had to encounter:

1. Some don't know how to flush the toilet. It's very very DISTURBING to see splattered shits all over the toilet bowl. Flush lah please....!!

2. Some like to leave their rolled-wet-dirty underwear on top of the flush thingy. It's freakingly disgusting weyy! I have no idea why the hell would one keep it there. Damn! Some I found at the showers. O.o..!!

3. Dirty plates, dirty tupperwares, dirty cups at the pantry. Don't you people wash them? You're driving the cats, the ants here, making a food paradise for them every time! Some I even noticed still there for more than a week. Yucks.

eyuww..this is gross to even type it.

4. In the showers, I often see all those used panty-liners or rolled-wet-dirty-bloody pads at the soap placer. Fuck. Every time I see that, I couldn't dare to go in even if that shower is my favourite spot. Hilang selera! It gets even grosser when the pad is..well I have to say it..UNWASHED. Fuck.

5. (Muslims) In the surau, please don't talk like you're in a market or something. You see, I prayed at this surau this evening. The place was okay but then there was a bunch of girls chit-chatting at the back, making loud noises, laughing. Fuck. While I was praying, memang tak khusyuk! I was cursing in my heart, I even begged for God to get them out of that surau. Goshh~ be a girl will ya? Ni tak, menjerit-jerit macam makcik. Ishh.

6. Whenever you throw leftovers in the bin, please do have accurate aiming when you throw it. Don't let the food fall out of the bin. It is sick when people accidentally step on it, then walk through the hallway and then outside. The stain runs everywhere. Yuck. Pastu dah jatuh, tak kutip pulak dah. God!

7. A few I knew have this body odour. I don't know if they don't realize it or they do, but it's fucking smelly! Please, put on deodorant or shower more. It's not that expensive, only RM6 in stores. Maybe less. Gee~

8. Baju kotor. Pantang! Baju yang dah kotor tu letak lah dalam baldi kat pantry tuu. Takpun terus la kau basuh. Kalau takde bau, fine. Kalau ada, need I say more? Takyah lah simpan dalam bilik buat stok. Do you know the smell is seriously nose-blowing?! Keluar terus BM aku.

seriously, no I don't

More I've seen and it gets grosser! Enough. Even girls do this especially in hostels. I really hate it when I have to encounter all this crap some times. I'm not living with boys am I? No, I think boys know better.

I'm not the super-hygiene freak kinda girl but at least I know how to take care of my stuff. I know which needs to be cleaned and which to take care.

What do you think? You've encountered things like these? Maybe worse? Yuck!

You see girls, we are such decent creatures. Lovely, fair creatures. Never compare yourself with boys, it's in their nature and I believe I've known people who can do much better than us girls. It's a shame you know. Men just love us for what we are and we have. Is this really what we are? Come onn, I know you can do better.
It doesn't matter where you live and with who, please learn to take care of certain things so that what we show outside accurately reflects what we have inside.

Ni tak, muka je lawa tapi pengotor. Issshhh!

an awesome night

2011-03-21T22:31:00.003+08:00

Malam Anugerah Kinabalu ke-26!

The theme was Fabulous Floral and yes, as you know it everyone is wearing all floral and fantasizing I suppose. :) I was one of the performers for the night. Remember I mentioned, I'll be singing for the event? Hell yeah I did and it felt great! The choreography, the song, the partner, the pianist..all was amazing. Just a few technical problems. gee~

A few pictures of the night.

this is my awesome pianist: David Chua!

the awesome dudes: Karim & Kam

my bestbestfriend: my make-up artist: Wani!

my singing partner: my bestfriend: Edmund Chiew!

and yes, more and more pictures you can find in my own Facebook. I'm waiting for more pictures to be uploaded. yearghh~ credits to my buddies for the fabulous photos! :)

Well I guess I didn't appear THAT floral nor fantasizing. XD

I enjoyed every single moment of it. At least once in my life, I dared to do something new. I sang in an event, in which I've never done so formally like this, in front of a lot of people. I love singing and thank you for giving me the chance. Yes, I wore a dress, in particular a RED dress. Yes first time ever! Worried a lot if my dress will come off if I step on it and I can actually feel myself bloat after eating too much. hahaha~ but heyy, it turned out well. Lady in Red I am. :))

The best part was, after the VIP left, we actually had an event of our own. Dance hits, R&B, techno songs were played accompanied by the massive speakers. Damn! Everyone was dancing and shaking ass-es everywhere. Me and Wani, haha yeahh we just can't resist it. XD

Gee~ I had an awesome night. Thanks guys! :)

independent

2011-03-17T02:48:00.003+08:00

I'm 20, reaching 21. My body has grown pretty much perfect to be seen as a woman. My brain knows what is right and what is wrong. I know how to decide and how to act on my own when necessary. Also I pretty much know how to feel so so annoyed when people tries too much to tell me what not to do or what to do, too much until they tend to cross the line. Caring? Fine but not too much okay? Save your asses people, I'm smart enough to think for my own sake.

I'm not a kid to be treated like one. Okay?

Have a nice day :)

idiots

2011-03-15T03:32:00.001+08:00

Gee. I am so sick of people who act like idiots. Idiots who are inconsiderate. Believe me, they suck.

I've been keeping certain things for quite some time, in me. Not to say I'm a chicken who don't dare to say it right in your face, but I choose not to do that. Once I open my mouth, I can be very cruel. Very cruel. It's best not to, just to be safe. If you cry, don't say I haven't warn you. ;)

In my life, I have priorities, principles that I stand to and what I despise the most is when people have no respect to that. I come to this university, pay almost 3K every semester, waste my ass of every night, not to waste my time on things that will not help me in anything. Responsibilities remain as responsibilities, not to an extent where I have to do everything just because I have to.

It's not that I am lazy or giving excuses whenever a task is given. The thing is, the task is given in the last minute, when plans are made and I have other more beneficial things to attend. Even other people know that their time is valuable for other stuff, why must I sacrifice that just for some thing that is told in the final hour? My plans are my priorities, especially when they are more important than some exhibition informed in the last minute.

Seriously, I don't blame any other, not my colleagues but the authorities. The UM authorities. Damn you people are so ignorant! You people love to plan this and that event, which is for me a waste of time, energy and money. In the end, you people like to burden us with your sudden request to all the colleges, last minutes notices which in the end, consumes our time just to fulfill your stupid request.

You wanna plan, okay. Do it with structure, with a flow. You want anything from us, send a notice at least 3 days earlier. You planned an event like 2 3 months earlier, you can't even send a notice 3 days earlier? Seriously, in anywhere around here, you people just don't know how to do it right. You like to make things last minute and then covers it with your fake words. Ohh mintak maaf lah bla bla bla..wtf.. I don't a give a shit. Dah kelam kabut barulah tau nak menggelabah. Screw you!

Bootlickers. I'm surrounded by a bunch of them. Idiots. I cannot stand the line where people say, if you're rewarded with something means you have to serve more. So meaning, you're doing your job just because you got rewarded? Seriously? I don't live based on that, I don't LICK anyone's ass just to get more attention, literally speaking. People see me for who I am, my potential. If I don't get it, it's because someone else is better. We're definitely not competing who can do the best ass-licking action kan? So why fret. If I get the job, I get it because people vote for me, people believe in me. I do it because people trust me. I don't give a damn, I don't even ask for it. Well it's a bonus. I do it, because I choose to do it and not because of some thing I'm sure you're common with called bribery. darhh~

I don't a give a damn about you people. For me, you and me is just business. Nothing more. I don't need to create some special bond with you, because you people aren't worth to given that. Backstabbers all the way. Once my job is done, so am I. I don't need to clarify anything because this is who I am. My priority remains at the top, not some post which only fills in my resume and if you can't respect that, don't expect me to respect yours.

ps; I know, I'm an ass. I think I'm becoming one. Excuse me. ;p

goosebumps

2011-03-10T18:40:00.000+08:00

The Prayer- Celine Dion & Josh Groban. This song gives me the chills. brrrr...

I will be singing this song for MAK phase 2 with my partner. I know it's crazy because it's very very high! Still, we manage to transpose the song, change the key to suit our voice range and I hope it turns out beautifully. Gee~ the Italian part is a challenge too. :))

We're planning to sing 2 songs. One is this song, the other should be a more relaxed song and fun I suppose. Any ideas? We're still finding one.

Sorry can't write much, this is all I have for now. :)

PGCE

2011-03-08T16:13:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, I went to this event, PGCE which stands for Petroleum Geology Conference and Exhibition which is held annually. Every year it's like a must for this event for us to go but last year I didn't go. So I decided this year to take a step there, just see how it goes. Nevermind the conference much, KLCC is just next to us. hee~

I went there, all 'formally' with our seniors and juniors. There were several events like the opening ceremony, exhibitions, conferences. There's this one quiz session where an i-Pad 2 is given, only one question though. Me and my friends went to the exhibition. My friends were all asking for internship programmes, meeting our alumnies, creating a broader network with the society. This is actually a medium to us to actually connect with the actual people in this industry.

So, the idea was not that bad. We actually talked with a lot of people. Bosses, colleagues, staff and so, all from different level doing different things. It was amazing how one prospect can be expanded to a whole lot of careers. The cool thing is how alive they are whenever they talked. So excited with courteous, friendly and they don't even mind talking to us students. All are open-minded, not like our culture, our people. huh~

gee~

I talked to this one lady. Amazing women she is as she is a Geophysicist. A family to raise and a career to maintain and yet, she managed to handle both. Miss Independent. :) I love to be in the crowd where these people are all actually making money for what they do, which is what we will face soon once we graduate. They share experiences and the cool thing is, they are not the type where they leave you all alone but they actually guide us which is good. Not the arrogant kind of people.

The thing is, the more I talked with these people, the more petite I become. I don't know why I felt this way. I felt insecure for a second, maybe two. The people there who worked hard, some even got divorced for their career are the kind of life they had to deal with. They even have 24-hour on calls. Gee~ this does sound familiar somewhere.

But the sacrifice they made is worth every cent, big bosses with big money. You actually build your name where people respect you for your talent and hard work in this field because this business is a very risky one. Once a decision is made, money and time is gambled. If you get it, you make money. If not, it's a loss and to get there is never an easy ride.

From that moment, I feel small like an egg. These bosses whom I meet are like sharks. I have so much to do to reach to that state. The state where I'm stable and capable. I want that. Call me crazy but yes, I want that state with the life I wanted. Some people are used to living life easy but for me, I want to have it on my own with my own effort.
But.haha I'm still playing around, still being a teenager, only studies and aims for passing grades. Once I'm out, I'm going to be one other baby fish trying to survive just like the million undergraduates. All wanting to have the same thing. I believe everyone stands a chance, it's just up to them to take it or not.
Sometimes I asked myself 'am I ready for this?'. I hesitated a lot. Well I think a part of me still wants this simple, normal, freedom life because I know, once I'm working I won't have that much anymore. I guess some things are not meant to stay long.

Don't worry. You'll make it. We'll make it through. :)

are you a Buble fan?

2011-03-06T00:31:00.000+08:00

I really love Sir Buble in this video. Very approaching yet steady and...

..T.T..

I can't go.. feels like crying because I can't go. Financial crisis. Damn...

and I'm sure by now, the tickets are sold out. :(

All you Buble fans out there, do go to this concert if you have the chance.
This does not come often.

Let's celebrate the power of jazz! :))

lethargic

2011-03-02T02:01:00.004+08:00

Hi peeps!

I've been pretty busy. No words to make for this post lately. Now, I just finished my choir competition. Well we got 5th place out of 8th. Oklah, the placing doesn't matter actually. What matters is when we sang. Whatever, still am proud of the team. We were great!

Also, now I'm waiting for my singing solo Feseni audition. I still haven't received any results nor any reply about it. If I'm in, I'll have to prepare for the finals. Goshh~ Now, inivitations singing in a band and dinner is coming but I haven't even replied. darhh~ I wish I can sing with a jazz band though..wow! :)

Assignments keeps coming. Tests too stopped by. Journals to read. Reports to complete. I have 2 tests this week, 2 reports to sumbit. Lethargic as HELL! But then I promise myself, I will be heading to Genting. Give myself a break. Rest. Enjoy!

I am taking a break from being "too sweet". Less SMS-es, Skypes nor YM's with Peter now. Meg has just so much to do. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply you much lately. :(

I just can't wait to be free again, where I can have the night alone on my own without any disturbance. The night where I can watch HIMYM without no one to call me.

teehee..I bet that's all, bye bye. :)

ps:

amazing voice Leona!

I see you

2011-02-22T11:12:00.000+08:00

you think you can run??

hahaha. this picture is nothing. It's just another random picture I found..somewhere.

Been freaking-ly busy. Works, meetings, crap. Just had a vacation and I really want more, am planning for more. Whatever, I'll make sure I'll write again once I'm done with the reports. Lots of things happened it's freaking me out. haha~

Love you!

nature calls

2011-02-07T01:05:00.004+08:00

Seriously, I really have no idea what to write..pfft..

hmm..

Last week, back from Langat, kawasan Orang Asli, Jawa. Memang best. Orang lain semua dah cuti, kami ni sibuk-sibuk berkerja. Since it's the last, takpelah. Ini pun aku dah mula rindu dah..sikit. Bukan selalu dapat masuk hutan tau, kena pacat lagi, masuk sungai. Mana ada masa ni.. but then best, tak payah buat report lagi. teehee..^.^..

So as usual, ambil sample, tengok map, lukis map, kira sample, cari boundary batu, tengok orang asli (lelaki je yang ada..ehemm..), naik bukit, turun bukit, masuk sungai, kaki kena masuk lumpur, kencing merata (ish ish ish), makan aiskrim tepi jalan, sunburn (lagi!), pacat (aku kena!), ar sejuuukk gila, BBQ lagi, hujan lebat malam demam, parti buih ngan kain batik kat toilet (hahaha). perghh~ mana nak rasa semua ni kat bandar, takdee..

Kawasan kampung memang best weyhh, sejuuk je..brrr..

Ada satu hari tu, route kami takde tempat makan langsung. Nasib baik dah ready makanan siap-siap. Time tu plak hujan kemain lebat. Terpaksa lah kami stop kat tepi jalan. Dalah depan rumah orang dengan anjing dia lagi. Pastu ngan tak tahan nak kencingnye ngan lapar lagi, bawah payung lah member aku ni setia buat roti sandwich untuk kitorang dalam hujan lebat-lebat tu. Terharu sikit lah. Masa tu lah berharap sangat takde anjing keluar ngan takde kereta drive laju-laju sampai libas air kat kitorang. fuhh..

Hari terakhir plak panasnya membahang sangat. Ish tak bersyukur betul..ehemm..Mintak mataharinye sikit je tapi yang keluar tu, sampai sunburn aku dibuatnya. Apalah boleh buat, kulit orang putih memang selalu macam ni. hahaha~

Fieldwork kali ni, banyak buka mata aku pasal perangai orang. Betullah kata senior, time fieldwork lah korang akan nmpak perangai sebenar orang. Ceh macam Survivor plak. Masa tu lah nampak siapa sebenarnya kawan siapa lawan. Masa tu jugaklah ajar berkongsi, ajar nak bersabar, bertolak ansur, tolong member bila susah (bukan fikir senang je), teamwork tu memang penting lah. Kalau fikir nak hidup sendiri tak fikir orang lain, yeahh you can survive tapi sampai bila kan?

teehee..^.^ best buat kerja ngan diorang ni.

ps: Missing you is now my routine, Peter.

bluess

2011-02-01T20:03:00.000+08:00

I will never know unless you tell me. I can't read your mind you know..

who will you become, 5 years from now?

2011-01-29T04:09:00.004+08:00

5 years later

Syahanim is a geologist. Smart. Charismatic. ~~Mature~~ Lively. Stylish.

Work to at least the furthest, Antartica. Mastered all the rocks and features on this Earth. Received a Nobel prize for creating a device that can make men travel faster to the exact location. Working with all the hot hot engineers and geologists until she received so many threats on Facebook just to stay away from them. ehemmm..

heyy dah ada boyfriend okay. Planning to get engaged. Eh tunang dulu. Mana boleh gopoh-gopoh. Orang tu siapa? Barney Stinson! :p

Have lots of money. Have my own jet plane. Have my own lake house. Anytime boleh honeymoon. woohoo~ Travel here and there. Have been to all over the world. Owns a room where I keep "only" souvenirs from around the world. wow~

Perform jazz, have my own stage name. Syahanim Shafei..oo please pronounce Shafei like "shafeyy". Like "bubleyy"..ehemm..hello, it's my stage name okay.

.....

You really think I'm gonna be this great in 5 years time? Hebatlah sangat kan..

haha. Okay. You know always in camps, we have this motivational talk. Mula lah ramble cakap "what will you be in 5 years time? semua orang tutup mata, lepas tu bayangkan apa nak jadi,"

Mula lah budak-budak ni semua tutup mata. Ada tu gelak sorang-sorang bayangkan apa ntah. Ada tu terlopong, ntah fikir apa jugak tu. Me? Blurr..

I can't imagine myself there. err I'm not being stupid. It's not that I don't have an aim. Pathetic betul kan?

But then, I have sense in it. I think to imagine something that is in the future create hopes to people. It's good, I know. It boosts you to work harder, to reach your aim.

For me, it's not that I don't ~~maybe I really don't~~ have an aim. That moment I just thought that these imaginations are uncertain. Yelah, me and my mind that time kan?

Let's just say, you imagined something and you aimed for it. Okay. You worked hard for it. You've done all you could just to have what you want.

But, what happens when you don't get it? You got a plan B?

Let's just say you aim this cute guy. You want him. You'll do everything to make him like you. But what happens if he doesn't like you? If he likes your friend? If he is gay? If he shows the real him which you don't happen to like?

you're an exception dude

You see, imaginations or so-called counseling phrases like these are useless for me. It creates hopes to people, it makes you work hard ~~I think~~. It assures you that you have a future ahead of you. Good.

But what I see, it makes people giving their ass only on one thing. They're just too scared on changing their road, trying new alternatives. Too structured. When things go in their way, they don't know how to deviate their aim into something else.

Loosen up people. Dream, it's okay but don't hold on too much to it until you get it. Things change.

As I grow up, I realized I do need to have the lists of what I want. It makes me feel like I have purpose. It makes me useful one way or another. haha~

For now, I aim only for what is necessary. Lots and lots of money. I study and play a lot you know. Life is no fun without it. It's what I'm good at for the moment. :p

But what I will do to get it? What happens I won't know but I have an aim. I don't mind failing. If it takes me a million times to fail, so be it as long as I know how to stand up and I learn. I open up myself to as many options as I can. At least when one down, I have a few more to go.

I'm open to any profession as long as it is good and beneficial. I never thought of being a geologist. I was into the common profession, doctor lah, lawyer lah, accountant lah. Now I'm trying something different.

So now, geologist is maybe what I will do. Probably not. Maybe I'll be somebody else. Like my konon-konon imagination up there, you really think I'm gonna be this awesome? I don't put my hopes too high, but I know it's possible. wow~kalau jadi tu, memang wow~

The mystery of the future will be solved once you're there. You can only get clues of what's there, but nothing is certain on the way.

ps: damn. tekan google "hot men" keluar gambar men sucking you-know-what. tekan "hot women" pun sama. besar sial! what the..?? errrr...

Haikal

2011-01-24T05:05:00.001+08:00

He's 10 today. 24th January. Dah besar dah, makin annoying pun ye. haha.

Ni yang paling kecik dalam family. Paling suka mengarut (kot). Mangsa buli kitorang (ehemm..). Paling adorable. The only one with dimples (ishh..). Darjah 4 tahun ni. Suka gila Spongebob Squarepants or apa je yang keluar kat tv9 tu. Rapat betul ngan abang-abang dia. Hantu game. Pandai. Suka belajar. Camera spoiler kadang-kadang..haha.

Aku sayang manusia ni. Paling suka buat aku gelak. Kesian dia kadang-kadang sebab bila dia nak cakap pape, mesti kitorang suka-suka nak potong dia. Bukan saja-saja, gurau..ehemm. haha. Dia ni selalu jugak jadi spoiler, kalau aku tengok movie yang dia dah tengok, mesti dia jadi..

"kaklong lepas ni orang tu kena makan ngan zombie..."

Ala Haikal ni, terus dah malas nak tengok sebab dah tau. ciss.

but then, tak marah pun. Gelak lagi ada. haha. Dia ada satu gelak ni tau, bila dengar rasa macam nak gelak sekali. Annoying jugak kadang-kadang haha bila tak kena tempat. Gelak minians kat cerita Despicable Me tu, sort of lah. haha~

ecece..sweetlah tuuu~

Aku sayang manusia ni.

Dialah yang paling singkat merasa ada abah sebenarnya. Masa tu dia 5 tahun, tak faham apa-apa pun. Pastu tak nangis tak apa pun. Relax je. In time bila dah besar, dia makin terasa especially bila dah naik sekolah. Selalu jugak lah masa awal-awal tu dia tanya. Yelah, geng dia tengok wrestling tiba-tiba takde kan? Mestilah dia pelik. hahaha. Innocent betul.

Aku taknak dia rasa kehilangan sangat. Bila aku balik rumah, aku selalu offer diri nak ambik dia dari sekolah or hantar dia. Masa ambik report kad, aku mesti teman dia. Ada sports day ke, aku pergi jenguk dia kalau aku ada kat rumah. Dia mintak tolong apa-apa, aku tolong jugak. Nak ice lemon tea favourite dia tu, aku beli je untuk dia.

ni bajet Jimmy Neutron ke ape? ahaha..

HAHAHA. serious camera spoiler selaluu!!

I just don't want him to feel abandoned. Tapi aku salute dia ni, kecik-kecik dah matang. Dia tak merungut pun. Kalau orang lain masih makan bersuap, dia dah pandai makan sendiri. Dia kalau nak mintak apa-apa kat mama or kat aku ke, selalu jaga ayat dia. Tak kasar kalau nak mintak apa-apa. Paling pandai ambik hati. Cakap pun lembut.

Dia sangat rapat ngan aku, abang-abang dia and mama. Cuba tengok kalau aku balik rumah, excited dia tu buat aku terharu kadang-kadang. Rasa seronok bila balik rumah sebab dia ada. Mesti dia cakap "ehh kaklong balik!" pastu datang salam tangan aku. Alahaii adik aku ni.

erkk...hahaha

ni abang kakak dia yang sama adorable kan? ;p

hahahaha. comel betul!

Ada satu kali tu, jari dia tersepit kat pintu. Dia menjerit jugaklah. Sakit kan. Tapi bila abang dia datang tengok kan jari dia, terus dia senyap. Terus dia ok. Mama cerita kat aku ni, terus sengih aku dengar.

Mama pun selalu pesan. Haikal ni sensitif sebenarnya. Tak tunjuk je tu tapi ada masa-masa tu nampak jugak. Layanlah sikit adik tu. Dia cuma nak attention, nak ada orang untuk dengar dia bila dia perlu.

Dia budak lagi kan, tak tau nak cakap certain things kadang-kadang. So it's our job to be conscious about it.

Happy Birthday "ekal" (ehemm..). Sayang betul budak ni cuma kaklong tak tau nak cakap macamana je. Kalau kaklong balik lagi, kita main kad lagi ea. Makan maggie lagi. Tapi cubalah cari game lain, taknak lah main game tepuk-tepuk kad lagi. Lebam urat kaklong. hehehe~

ps: I know what to give you as a present. Tunggu tunggu. hehe~

masculine #1

2011-01-23T07:50:00.002+08:00

haluuu.. hee~

Page aku dah tukar style! Aku suka! Trebien! ok titik.

Real men?

Cakap melayu lah kali ni. Senang sikit nak mengarut. hehe~

Isu ni memang kelakar bagi aku. Tanya orang perempuan ke, lelaki ke susah betul nak kata gender mana paling hebat. Every one has its own specialty. Ok, sambung..

Aku ada kawan sorang ni. Siapa, mana, apa kita biar tut tut jelah ea. Payah gak kalau orang boleh teka-teka ni. Ok. Dia ni tengah single. Tahun lepas kot baru break. Single punya lama, then ada seorang manusia ni datang meminang..eh! berkawan..

Kawan punya kawan, jadi rapat. Rapat-rapat makin erat. "dear" dah ganti "saya awak". Hadiah pandai bagi sorok-sorok. Call sampai tak ingat nak mandi. Pandang-pandang pun macam baru lepas kahwin. Hangatlah kan? Mesti lah kawan aku ni suka, dah ada lelaki buat macam tu. Yelah sampai lompat-lompat macam menang peraduan Tongkat Ali tu. Who doesn't dear? ;)

Dah rapat tu, baru tau manusia ni ada gf special, buat kawan aku tak tentu pasal rasa bersalah. Rasa nak menyumpah-nyumpah pun ada. Lama-lama makan hati, nak luah tak bole sebab takde orang tahu. Nak menangis pun dah takde guna. Pandang pun dah tak mampu dah. Kesian plak aku baca..sob sob..

But then, lelaki tu macam ada period "lupa gf", pandailah cari kawan aku. Bila dah jumpa, mulalah concern itu ini. Tunjuk baiklah ape lah. Kawan aku ni pulak tengah suka gila, when he comes why should she let him go kan even for awhile. Pandai kau kan lelaki?

Yeahh I know, WTF??

Perempuan ni bila dah kena ngorat, dah kena panggil "sayang", dah berlakon macam husband dah cuma tak buat ehemm je, mana lah boleh tahan bro. Kitorang ni mungkin tunjuk keras kepala, yeahh I know. Jual mahal lah kononnya. Eleh takat panggil-panggil tu adik aku pun boleh..haha tapi dalam hati kitorang ni punyalah cuba nak kawal diri supaya taklah obvious sangat tunjuk suka dup dap tuu. Jangan bagi orang perasan, takut orang bahan plak nanti kan?

Yang paling tak best, korang dah ada gf tapi korang still cari jugak perempuan-perempuan lain untuk buat playtoy korang. Memanglah best nak main-main, scandal lah kan orang panggil sekarang ni. Yelah seronok lah plak secret affair ni..sebab korang jelah yang tahu kan? Pandai korang..

Tapi pandai macamane pun, the hot stuff mesti akan sejuk jugak. In the end, bila kau dah bosan kau akan lukakan jugak perempuan ni. Kau tahu tu. Cuma kau tak berani nak bagitahu dia. Takpun, kau jadi confused mana nak pilih. Yelah, scandal tengah hot kan? Mana boleh lepas, barang baik kan. Nanti bila gf dah datang or gf dah dipujuk, settle lah. Lepas tu, mulalah saling membenci. Marah-marah, hilang dah sorang kawan.

In conclusion, enjoy it while it's there jelah kan. Masalah datang, barulah settle.

Macam contract plak kan? "kau akan jadi awek aku untuk seminggu"..hahaha~

Perempuan ni kau tengok, kasar macamanapun tetap lembut kat dalam. Pakai lah cara apa pun, one way or another mesti akan cair jugak. Tapi bila kau buat macam tu, make sure kau buat dengan niat memang kau nak pikat dia lah. Kau pun kenalah betul-betul ikhlas nak pikat. Ni kau dah pikat dia, kau dah buat dia cair, dah buat dia fikir pasal kau siang malam. Pergh, sampai nyanyi pun pasal kau dah dalam toilet. Pastu dalam masa yang sama kau dah ada gf lain, wahh hebat kau ni.. Ni baru betul multi-tasking..

"Habis, dah perempuan layan, ambik jelah."

Haa, aku tau. Mesti cakap cenggini. Kau rasa rational ke statement ni? Kau dah pikat dia, then kau expect dia jadi macam batu? Even batu kalau kau letak pressure pun, dia akan cair jugak dan ubah bentuk jadi batu lain. Apatah lagi perempuan.

Like I said, perempuan ni lembut, cepat terusik. Janganlah nak usik sesuka hati, sekali dia sakit hati belum tentu dia akan sembuh elok cepat. Perempuan ni kalau dah suka tu, memang sanggup buat apa je. Kau tahu tu dan kau suka. Kau suka lah perasan macam kau hot stuff ramai orang suka kan? hahaha..lelaki..lelaki..

Maybe ada perempuan kat luar sana yang kau kenal jenis liar, tak setia, sexy lah, terbonjol sana sinilah ape lah. Korang pernah tau tak kenapa diorang jadi macam tu?

ehhh korang kan prejudis, apa kisah kan? bila nak seronok-seronok cari awek seksi, awek miang lah, awek manja lah, yang korang label as "gedik" or "murah" tu tapi bila nak kahwin terus nak cari awek alim, baik, sopan kira "the perfect wife" lah. Prejudis kan?

Pedas ke ayat aku ni? hehe. Aku suka. Nak marah silakan, nak naik angin suka hati kaulah. Nak teruskan buat pun silakan. Aku tak halang.

Tapi aku nak kau fikir, bila kau dah jadi ayah, bila kau dah ada anak perempuan, apa kau akan rasa bila ada lelaki miang buat benda yang sama kat anak kau sama macam kau buat dulu? Atau anak lelaki kau buat benda sama kat perempuan lain? Kau suka? Suka lah kot sebab kau pun pernah buat..kan? Like father, like children kan?

Relax. Aku takde niat nak point siapa-siapa. Marah pun tak, ayat je kasi peda sikit. Blog dah baru, ayat try baru jugaklah kan.. :p

Ni kisah benar, happened to my friend. Niat aku cuma nak hidup aman, tak nak tengok lagi isu sedih-sedih ni. Kesian bila ada benda macam ni jadi. Takpe, nanti kalau ada isu menarik aku cerita lagi. Ada idea pun rajin -rajin lah bagi. Aku mesti baca punya.

Thank you :)